ANKYLOSING SPONDYLITIS
and a bit of me waffling :o)

Many of you that know me know I have a disability, many of you that don't most likely wont.  Now it may be strange to put this on my site, but as it is a site mainly about me, I thought it deserved a small place.
It is not intended as a guide to this illness, nor is it intended to make you feel sorry for me, it is intended to be my views on this obstacle in my life, how it affects me and the positives and the negatives of it.  I suppose it can be about how something like this can change the way you look at yourself.

Basically my illness is curvature and fusing of the spine, but on top of that it can cause many more problems.....Let me explain.
When you are conceived the first thing that is created is the brain, and the spinal cord follows, this if I remember split is 32 places and forms your internal organs and your limbs, and to protect it all next comes the skeletal structure which also gives your body stability and rigidness which is quite useful, as with out it we would be a useless blob (saying that I have met some people that come close).
Now from the above explanation it is clear that everything goes through the spinal area, so hence if you have a bad spine that is trying to curve and fuse, well it can cause problem all over.

I have had days where I can't walk, or maybe one of my arms will hurt so much that I can't use it and end up with it in a sling.  Other annoying pains would be the reoccurring one around the kidney area, this is one of the ones I hate more as it affects everything I do from getting up, walking, moving my arms, sneezing, you name it, it hurts it.

I have had to spends days in a wheelchair which will totally change the way you look at those guys/girls in them.  I found it so hard to believe people could treat me so differently, because I was sitting.  Some people were nice, well in fact most people, which to me shows the better side of humanity is still about. Then there are the sad people, that think, wheelchair = thick.  They talk down to you, one woman even commented to a work friend of mine that people like me should not be allowed out.  When asked what people she point to me, and said people in wheelchairs are a hazard to normal people like her and are a burden.  Well talking about this later we laughed, as for those of you who don't know I work in a Jobcentre, and I help find work for people or take abuse from people who don't want to work.  This lady in question is well known in our office, and has been claiming since the age of 16, she is now in her 40's.  I have never been out of work and am now 28.  I have never asked for help, but am not stupid enough to refuse when offered.  I thought she had  the cheek to say I am a burden when I pay to support her and her vodka bottle that is always nearby.

Sorry broke of into a rant there.

I was going to mention the benefits wasn't I?

Well I believe it has made me a far stronger determined individual who is far more patient than I was, and I have a greater respect not only for disabled people, but all people.  We all have challenges in our life, and what is a major challenge to me was put in perspective when I was seeing a guy at work, and he informed me that in a single car accident he lost his sister and girlfriend, and his mum is still critical...... And I have a disability......No comparison, I can live with mine......his sister and girlfriend don't have that choice.
Life is precious, it is all well and good me saying that, and it is true, and I would love to say live each day as it is your last, but I know it is not realistic, I have things I would love to do, but people out there don't respect the right to be different and will quite happily make your life hell.  But you can treat people better, with respect, not all people deserve it and will make it clear soon enough.  Others though will respect you, and respect the fact you are happy, you are you and be happy that you respect the same things about them.

I take my hats of to people who are disabled, who have huge hurdles from life, who have lifestyles that hurt no one but can not be allowed to live them because of society.  People are great  at persecuting each other, we put so much into making someone's life hell, now wouldn't it be something if we put that much effort into making there life amazing.  Hey you don't even have to go that far, giving someone the gift of a smile, and making them smile is a wonderful precious gift, and that gift can be given by anyone, be it disabled, rich, poor, able bodied, gay, straight, transgendered......you name it, after all we are all the same, we are all unique individuals who have the same right......THE RIGHT TO BE THEMSELVES!

Whoooooo that was deep, let me see advantages.... Well when I go to theme parks I can get onto the rides quicker by using the disabled pass, Disney are absolutely great when it comes to treating people with disabilities, they make nothing of it, but at the same time they make you feel special because they treat you normally. (sad that by treating someone normally makes it special) they will do anything to help, which is something I noticed in Florida in general, more so in Disney (maybe cause everyone wants to have a great time) but they are so nice and want everything to be perfect for you.  Hey World we can learn from them.  Sure they have some bad points, but don't we all.  Get over it, and learn from them, we as a people are far greater than we are as a singular.

Sure enough I am in pain all the time, I have restless nights, but I would not trade my life for someone else's, my life is special, I have a wonderful family, a beautiful wife and a cuddly Koala  who is older than me, and still sleeps on the same bed as me and Suede.  Everything else in life is a bonus, they are extras, and we are lucky to have what we have, friends, a home, car holidays an so forth make life better, but they are not the core elements, we are the core elements.  Be happy in yourself, and then you can share yourself with others and your happiness and there's will join yours and be amplified, and before you know it you will be so happy you will have silly insane grins.

Now you are thinking most of this has nothing to do with my disability......Well you would be wrong, I used to be a negative, things will happen and knock me down, well now, because of life and the hand I have been dealt, I am me, I still get knocked down, but I come back fighting for the right to continue my struggle of wearing my insane grin.

So my disability may be a curse, but it has taught me a lot which I may have never known.

I am happy, what more could I ask for.